1. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
2. When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
3. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
4. Man says to God:
"God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.
5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
6. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
7. Why are there so many blond jokes?
So that redheads and brunettes can find something to do on a Saturday night.
Did You Ever Wonder Why...
1. A pizza arrives at your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back counter to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy their cigarettes at the front.
3. People order double cheeseburgers, large fries...and a Diet Coke.
4. Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
5. We leave our cars, worth thousands of dollars, in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
6. We use answering machines to screen our calls, then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
7. We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
8. We use the word politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".
What She Really Means
1. You want = You want
2. We need = I want
3. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
4. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
5. We need to talk = I need to complain
6. Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
7. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
8. How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
9. I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
10. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
11. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
12. Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
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